Becoming a mom is a huge shift in your life. Everything changes overnight: your hormones are whack, your body is different, your relationships aren't the same, and your daily routine is flipped upside down. For many new moms, this sudden life change can present many challenges in the way of mental health. I certainly struggled mentally in the early days of motherhood, especially when sleep was at an all-time low.
Today we'll be covering mental health tips for new moms and ways to truly help you thrive in this new stage of your life.
*If you feel your mental well-being requires significantly more attention, click here to learn more about postpartum depression and please seek help as soon as possible.
As new moms, there is a lot to learn. Up until this point in your life, all you've had to take care of is yourself (and maybe a cat or dog). Now, you've got a precious little baby that needs you for virtually every single thing. They are completely dependent on you and it no longer matters what you want or when you want it. There isn't a you anymore. That's how it feels, anyway.
Although it feels selfish to think of yourself as a new mom, it's actually extremely important for you, your spouse, and your baby. Let's get right into how you can improve your mental health as a new mom!
#1 - Accept Help
I was as ready as I possibly could have been to have a baby: my husband and I felt great financially, within our marriage, and within our home. I was excited to become a mom, but nothing can truly prepare you until it actually happens. My ego must have been getting in the way because I felt reluctant to ask for help in those early days. I guess I wanted to appear like I had it all together.
I'll always remember when I was 5 days postpartum and hadn't slept since giving birth, my two sister-in-laws had to give me and intervention (seriously). I was crying, anxious, sore from breastfeeding, and so, so exhausted. They encouraged me to hand over the baby (to my husband), gave me ear plugs & a sleep mask, and basically forced me to take a nap. I really needed it.
That moment reminded me that it's okay to ask for help. It's actually necessary! There is a reason why they say "it takes a village" to raise children. My sister-in-laws gave me that wake-up call I needed to take care of myself and remember to sleep; no one can survive without it... not even you!
#2 - Connect With Other Moms
It's always important in life to connect with people who understand you and what you're going through. This could not be more true than when you become a parent. It may feel like your old friendships just don't feel the same anymore; and maybe they aren't! To make sure that your mental health stays positive during the beginning stages of motherhood, you need other moms in your life.
I was really lucky when I gave birth to my son, because 4 other women in my family were having babies that same year (guess how many times we heard "what's in the water!?" jokes). That meant that I automatically knew 4 other new moms who could directly relate and understand all the crazy changes going on in my life. We helped each other through sleepless nights, teething babies, healing journeys, diaper stories and everything in-between. I'm so thankful I had some amazing moms in my life to share the intensity with. I'd highly encourage you to seek out mom groups in your area to meet other new moms who can understand what you're going through. And, bonus: your kid has a new friend!
#3 - Everything is a Season
Before becoming a mom, I struggled a lot with anxiety and I didn't accept change very easily. However, now that I'm a mom I've learned to let go a little bit and be more adaptable. Realizing that change is inevitable was comforting to me, and reminding myself that "everything is a season, even this one" has been my personal motto. There are so many difficult times during the newborn stage, and those times feel really intense. I can recall wondering if I'd ever have time to wash my face again, or have a shower without incredible anxiety. Somehow, those hard times dissolve and you find yourself on the other side. Remembering that whatever crazy stage your in right now will eventually be over, can really help your mental health.
#4 - Set Boundaries
I never thought about the connection between motherhood and boundaries before, but they definitely go hand-in-hand. Part of keeping your mental health in check is communicating your boundaries to those around you. Allow your instincts to kick in, help build your confidence as a mother and be honest with yourself (and others) about what you're comfortable with, or not comfortable with. To ensure my mental health stayed relatively positive, my husband and I set boundaries with people in our life in regards to:
Babysitting: there was a lot of pressure to go on a date and let people babysit. Many people will encourage you to do this, but the truth is: we weren't ready! We really value our time with our son and just didn't feel ready to leave him with anyone else. (He's 14 months old and been babysat by my M.I.L one time)
People holding the baby: everyone wants to hold a cute baby. We waited until we were ready, and sometimes dealt with awkward reactions.
Screen time: We don't allow screen time yet, and have had to set boundaries with family members.
Feeding the baby: It's the parents choice what their children eat! We've had to politely say "no" to a few requests to feed our baby ice cream/chocolate/etc.
Putting our baby online: We set boundaries by requesting that no one post photos of our baby on Facebook or Instagram.
These are some examples of boundaries we set with people in our lives. Maybe your list is different than ours, but setting boundaries will save your mental health and lessen your stress significantly.
#5 - Communicate
Lastly, and possibly the most important: communicate! It's crucial to have open dialogue and communication in all relationships, but certainly with your spouse and certainly once you have a baby. I'm lucky to have a really awesome husband who is considerate of my needs, but there have been tons of times in my journey as a mom where I've had to make requests, have hard conversations, and "bring things up".
In this post, we talked about how you're going through a million changes as a new mom, and an important thing to remember is that your spouse can't read your mind. You're going to need to talk a lot about a lot of things. I had many times of anxiety and uncertainty in the early days of motherhood, and if I wasn't able to talk about it with my husband, I'd probably still be struggling. Having a baby puts your marriage into difficult mode, but if you have good communication, things will run a lot more smoothly. I'm definitely happier and less stressed because my husband and I check in with each other on a regular basis.
You CAN Thrive: Mental Health Tips for New Moms
Motherhood doesn't have to be negative and hard. In fact, it's the most beautiful and precious time in life and it feels good to be able to soak that up. It's difficult to soak it up when you're feeling anxious, stressed, or down; and that's why it's so important to focus on what you can do to improve your state of mind during this time!
Did you find this post helpful? Be sure to comment & share with other new moms in your life!
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