Motherhood is hard, and the transition from having no kids to having them can be difficult for many. It's a huge change in your life and can take it's toll on your mental health and well-being if you aren't careful. The first year of being a parent is typically the hardest for most since you're completely bombarded with so much change & new things & no sleep.
I'm a mom of one (so far) to a son who's 14 months old, so I'll be sharing with you my personal tips and advice for surviving the first year of motherhood.
The first year of motherhood is…. Intense. There are so many ups and downs and changes. You’re life completely changes as soon as you become a mom - you’re now caring for a beautiful new life that is literally dependent on you for everything, but you’re also going through your own stuff: body changes, emotional changes, hormones out of whack, your relationship is now on a whole new level, the list goes on.
#1 - Allow people to help you
This was really difficult for me at first. When our son was first born, I think my ego was in the way a bit. I wanted to exude confidence and show myself that I could really do it all. I dove in head first and was reluctant to ask for help (with anything) because I didn’t want anyone to assume I couldn’t handle it.
Take it from me: accept help, don’t be afraid to ask for help, and just know that people want to help you because they want to show their love and support to you. Maybe this means accepting frozen meals, letting your mother in law come over and wash your dishes, letting a loved one hold your baby while you nap or take a shower. There are so many little ways that people can and want to help, so try to let them.
#2 - Connect with other moms & share stories
I can’t tell you how important this is! Especially when you are a new mom, but continuing on throughout the whole year and beyond, it is so crucial to have other moms to talk to who know what you’re going through.
In motherhood there is so much to learn and you’re going through so much mentally and physically that you need people to talk to and lean on. You need people around you who know what you're going through: breastfeeding, scabby nipples, labor stories, how to burp a baby properly, tips on how to sleep. If you don’t have friends or family who are in it with you, find a community online. There are apps you can download to connect you with other new moms and you really may find that helpful.
#3 - Be ready for change, and change again
Things are literally always changing when you’re a mom. Some days may feel repetitive but before you know it those days are changing and there’s a whole new different but repetitive routine happening.
I’ve found that a little mantra that has worked for me over the last year is “everything is a season, even this one” - meaning that whatever it is you’re going through, it’s likely not permanent and will change before you know it. Maybe your baby is super difficult to get to sleep at night, maybe they’re really gassy and fussy and it’s stressful, maybe you feel overwhelmed because you don’t know when you’re going to be able to wash your face and shower again.
These hard moments just…change, all the time. Trying to be present as much as possible is helpful, and also recognizing that there is light at the end of the tunnel if you’re going through an especially hard time.
#4 - Set boundaries with family/friends
We all have things that make us uncomfortable, nervous, or just don’t feel right as a mom. When my son was first born, I was extremely nervous about other people holding him. I felt super protective and my instincts told me that only me and my husband should hold him.
I think that it’s important to rely on community, for sure, but also listen to your instincts and don’t be afraid to express them. For us, that meant that we didn’t let anyone else hold him for a couple weeks. That was just what we were comfortable with. When he got older, and we got more comfortable, we started being okay with other people holding him. But this sentiment goes beyond just the first couple weeks of having a baby: always remember that you are this child’s mother and you know what’s best for them.
Be confident in your boundaries and listen to your instincts. Ways that I have listened to my instincts and set boundaries are: babysitting, what I feel comfortable feeding my child, gift giving, screen time, co-sleeping, the list goes on. Don’t let anyone make you feel bad for making decisions based on your instincts and what you feel is best for your child or your family.
Just because you’re a new mom doesn’t mean you should feel pressured to do whatever it is that everyone else is doing.
#5 - Communicate with your partner about your needs
We always hear the word “resentment” and I think its safe to say most of us try to avoid that in relationships. You’ve also probably heard that the first year of having a baby is the biggest strain on a relationship, and that is probably very true.
We talked about how you, as the mother, are going through about one million changes: physically, mentally, hormonally.. So so so much.
In addition to that you’re navigating all of your baby’s needs; feeding schedules, napping, crying, fussing. On top of that you have your husband there with you, trying to navigate it all as well but from a totally different perspective. I have found it so extremely important to communicate my feelings, needs, and hardships with my husband so that he knows whats going on with me and can actually support me.
So.. How to Survive the First Year of Motherhood?
The biggest thing to remember and keep in mind when it comes to being a new mom, is that you will get through it. Every stage of motherhood is temporary and if you're really struggling right now, just trust that you will come out on the other side.
When I first became a mom, I didn't know what to do with all the changes that were happening in my life. But as time went on and I became more confident in my skills as a mother, I started to truly feel like I was thriving.
You've got this, mama!
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